The first 35 years of my life was very complicated. It was chaos and drama and pain and suffering.
I felt very victimized and separate from everyone and everything- including the Divine.
I was unable to ease my suffering except through 'diversions' that just took my mind away from it for a little while. Just going day by day - year by year- in a constant state of existing.
This became normal.
I didn't even realize that I was suffering. That realization came once I began evolving.....awakening to another way... because the old tricks weren't working and the 'diversions' didn't stop me from feeling or stopping the bad things from happening.
Then it shifted, things were happening and I couldn't control them, or ignore them. There were so many things I was not in control of anymore.
The Divine began uncomplicating my life- I was not grateful, I was very angry that things were changing. Even though it was painful- the unknown without it was scary.
'The awakening' was not in one day, it was an ebb and flow of understanding and evolution.
Then I began uncomplicating my life...because with every awareness, there was a sense of Peace.
It was slowly removing or forcing me to look at the painful things that I created.
I created? Yes, I chose this life for all of these challenges- and then came here and created even more...(what was I thinking....lol)
So, now you ask 'How do I do that?'
Well, first understanding that we complicate our lives, and are addicted to the chaos, like a junkie needs a fix...peace is boring, kindness is boring, simplicity is boring- while your life is 'complicated'.
At the end- my life took a dramatic turn where it became so complicated that I ran away.
I gave up and hid...for a year and I had to face the Truth.
During that downward spiral to stopping, I learned and heard many spiritual things and met many many spiritual teachers from every path. I didn'd realize that I was filing away their wisdom, unable to apply it, or understand it at that time- but during my year of nothingness, each insight came back to me at the right time- in the right moment.
During this time my birth religion failed me. It was too complicated, there were too many rules and none of it made sense. It didn't make me feel better- it made me feel worse and undeserving. It told me that God was punishing me.
I was drawn to the Native peoples religon. It was more than a religion- it was a way of life. It told me that The Great Mystery loves me enough to allow me to experience at my choosing.
I am CHOOSING it.
I can change what I choose.
There are messengers giving me the answers-
If I learn to stop and observe the message all around me.
It taught me to Living simply, and seeing myself as the Co-Creator of my existence will bring Peace;
Connected to everyone and everything;
and through my example, I would be a mirror of hope and great change.
That I am accountable to the welfare of my brother.
I learned a prayer during that time.
I could not fully understand it until the last few years.
A two word prayer.
Mitakuye Oyasin- All My Relations
It is a prayer for all my Relatives-
and now that I saw that everyone was my Brother, Sister, Cousins, Grandparents,Teachers and my Father and Mother- it became increasingly difficult to be irresponsible, or sad, or unaccountable.
My existence affected 'All my Relations.'
It Demanded more from me- to Love, to laugh, to celebrate to bring hope, to rise, to fight, to champion, to bring peace.
What experience did I give My Relations in my ignorance?
What experience do I want them to have when they encounter me?
Am I looking out for them while they are too weak to defend themselves?
How am I serving my Village?
Am I only taking and never giving back.
Am I hoeing my own row and then the row of another?
What legacy am I leaving the children- for the next seven generations?
So in this dark time of winter-
In the Grandmother Talks with Relations
my message to you who are reading this is;
You are choosing your suffering.
We have all suffered.
There is hope.
There is help
We are all connected in this great brotherhood.
You have a Village- send up a smoke signal.
Find Your Tribe.
Mitakuye Oyasi
Marianne Goldweber
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