Potential

When I was a child my parents would go to parent teacher conferences. They would come home and say- the teacher loves you but  you aren't working uo to your potential... 

I used to hate that.

My potential?- What did that mean?

I was not an over achiever by any stretch of the imagination- and frankly no one really  put any pressure on me to do better. I was never really challenged.
As an adult  I felt that I was working hard, but when my mediocre efforts were not rewarded in the way I thought they should be,  I could not understand why.
I had a huge sense of entitlement and was disappointed  a lot. 

At times I was even rather indignant.

 My spiritual awakening and personal accountability dealt me many very difficult observations about myself that were painful to acknowledge.

Our society has created a generation of entitlement, where there is  little effort. It takes work  and accountability to create the success that most of us want. 

I passed up, and was overlooked for many opportunities because of the illusion of  my self importance. Seeing that  much success or failures have been in direct result with the effort and consistency to which I applied myself was a changing day. 

You get what you give.

So, the phrase 'not working up to my potential' translates into what the Universe knows I am capable of , physically, spiritually and emotionally; if I should choose to accept the opportunities presented to me and exert effort.  

I didn't understand that if I took a step forward in the right direction, the Universe takes two and I get propelled forward much faster. That my forward movement is matched with that from my 'helpers' on the other side. That I'm not doing it alone.

Dare to live up to your potential- I know you can do it, the question is do you?.

Marianne Goldweber

Thought for the day;

To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; 

to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; 

to approach my work with a clean mind; 

to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the ultimate purpose toward which I am working; 

to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; 

to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; 

to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done - 

this is how I desire to waste wisely my days.

Thomas Dekker

Discovering our purpose- The Shaman's Death

Many cultures have rituals that are part of an initiation into the work of a Medicine person. These ritual teachings not only involve spiritual learning but a physical surrender with a  brush with death as well.. These rituals are necessary in order for the Medicine person to work with people who are in neeed of healing- whether that healing is physical  emotional or spiritual. the Medicine person is called to face  the darkness that is keeping them in suffering.

We are all called, at some point in our life, to have a ritualistic death- but many of us are afraid to let go of what is familiar  and truly have the Faith required to let go and surrender  in order to uncover our purpose.

We cannot be free to 'become' if we don't allow  the human conditioning, ego and human truths to 'die' and define our Faith- what we believe guides us in this journey- and then trust in it.

It is an ultimate act of Faith; when we are willing to surrender ourselves.it is in that moment of 'death' that we put our life in the hands of the Divine force that goes by many names; Great Mystery- the Source - God- Creator.

In order to emerge- one must surrender completely to the darkness and do battle with the dark forces-such as in the 'Shaman's Death'.

In order to help others battle the darkness- it takes one who has been there to do battle with that which he himself  has come face to face with.

How can we have the courage to face another's demons objectively without facing our own?

Those who emerge  from  this ritual,  walk both the red road and the blue road of spirit.

Surrendering  and facing the darkness - especially the darkness within us is the ultimate act of Faith but necessary if we are to do the work we are being called to do to heal our world and her people.

I'm on my way........

The Past.  The problem with the past is that
we feel the need to carry it into today and into the future.
Too many times I have allowed the past to affect my today
and the decisions I make for tomorrow.
No  more....
I start on the trail of today
empty handed.
No ugly paisley bag of things
to burden me on my journey.
Just me and those who choose to come along.
I will not wait for anyone to decide to join me-
because they aren't ready
or because they want to pack their bag
or gather food.
The bus is leaving
ready or not.
Join me if you will
or don't
I'm on my way....
Marianne Goldweber

Happy Birthday to Me

49- I thought so many times that I would never be this old.
The events that have lead to this day are a flood of experiences.
The loves and losses, the joys and sadness's, the pain and experiences.

I had a moment this morning where I thought 'What have I accomplished?'
To the outside world it may not seem to be a lot-
I drive a car that's 12 years old, I am divorced- I don't have  the 'finer' material things that  we feel shows our success in this world.

I shared this with my son as we rode to school- it made me a little sad to remember the  time I seemingly wasted in years of pain and denial.   In his infinite wisdom he said 'Don't cry on your birthday Mom. You aren't like some guy in a dead end job with no friends sitting in his little cubicle alone with a cupcake and a candle singing happy birthday to me.'

I had to laugh out loud- he doesn't really know that I have been that person- back when my priorities  and illusion were in play.I vowed to end my own suffering and then help those who are still there.

I know that what I have accomplished in this 49 years is so much more-
I have made peace with who I am- I have used (and still do) the tools of my experiences that I have had; to build a solid foundation for my future.
I have met the most amazing people-

Today is a  memorial for  the woman I have left behind and a celebration of the birth of who I am becoming (it's never really over you know!)
With each experience I have learned;
I have people who love me- for who I am and not what I can do for them or what they can do for me.
I have self respect.
I am abundant.
I have learned to love myself and truly love those around me- even if that meant letting them go.
I have learned that there is nothing that I am not capable of.
and most of all, that even if I am alone in this world, I am never alone-and can connect with those loving teachers any time I want- if I'm just still enough to listen..

So in my climb up the mountain- as I reach the summit- I am turning around and appreciating the road to this beautiful place-
and as I look to the future am in awe of it's beauty because I have remembered
the road I've taken to this moment.

Finally

I am me-
I am not you
or what you think I should be.

I am a perfect piece of the Divine
just like I am.

I'm not like anyone else
and that makes me happy.
Finally.

Marianne Goldweber

Prayer to Great Spirit- Chief Yellow Lark Lakota

Before you read below- start the video.

 

Lakota Prayer

Oh, Great Spirit,
Whose voice I hear in the winds,

and whose breath gives life to all the world, 

hear me.
I am small and weak.

I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty 

and make my eyes ever behold 

the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made

and my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise 

so that I may understand 

the things you have taught my people.

Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, 

not to be superior to my brother,

but to fight my greatest enemy – 

myself.

Make me always ready to come to you

with clean hands and straight eyes,

so when life fades, 

as the fading sunset,

my spirit will come to you without shame.- 

Chief Yellow Lark, Lakota, 1887

What blocks our way...A parable......

A frightened man was running for his life.
He came upon a raging river that blocked his escape.
In his angst and fear of what he assumed followed behind,
he rushed into the raging waters.
He was swept away by the current and drowned.

There was nothing chasing the man.
Only an imaginged illusion created by his past.

The obstacle was facing the illusion that Fear created.
Fear of criticism for choices he had made,
running from those who sought to make him suffer.
Running from himself.
He was his pursuer.

But what he failed to see,
as the river barred his way;
was the threat was an illusion.

The river was not an obsticle, it was an opportunity.
An opportunity  created to allow  him time to stop and face his fear- and assess his options.
To face his past and those who criticized him.
To reach within and find Forgiveness and Courage.

And had he just stopped-
he would have seen -
just below the surface of the swift moving waters-
lie stones-
just barely visible-
creating a path for him to safely cross-
had  he chosen to cross at all.

The only person who's permission you need to seek
for happiness in this life
is the face that stares at you from the mirror.
be a friend
tell them the truth
love and encourage
be bold
be fearless
be courageous
be patient
be kind
be forgiving 
but most of all just BE.....

Marianne Goldweber