Happy Birthday to Me

49- I thought so many times that I would never be this old.
The events that have lead to this day are a flood of experiences.
The loves and losses, the joys and sadness's, the pain and experiences.

I had a moment this morning where I thought 'What have I accomplished?'
To the outside world it may not seem to be a lot-
I drive a car that's 12 years old, I am divorced- I don't have  the 'finer' material things that  we feel shows our success in this world.

I shared this with my son as we rode to school- it made me a little sad to remember the  time I seemingly wasted in years of pain and denial.   In his infinite wisdom he said 'Don't cry on your birthday Mom. You aren't like some guy in a dead end job with no friends sitting in his little cubicle alone with a cupcake and a candle singing happy birthday to me.'

I had to laugh out loud- he doesn't really know that I have been that person- back when my priorities  and illusion were in play.I vowed to end my own suffering and then help those who are still there.

I know that what I have accomplished in this 49 years is so much more-
I have made peace with who I am- I have used (and still do) the tools of my experiences that I have had; to build a solid foundation for my future.
I have met the most amazing people-

Today is a  memorial for  the woman I have left behind and a celebration of the birth of who I am becoming (it's never really over you know!)
With each experience I have learned;
I have people who love me- for who I am and not what I can do for them or what they can do for me.
I have self respect.
I am abundant.
I have learned to love myself and truly love those around me- even if that meant letting them go.
I have learned that there is nothing that I am not capable of.
and most of all, that even if I am alone in this world, I am never alone-and can connect with those loving teachers any time I want- if I'm just still enough to listen..

So in my climb up the mountain- as I reach the summit- I am turning around and appreciating the road to this beautiful place-
and as I look to the future am in awe of it's beauty because I have remembered
the road I've taken to this moment.