I'm on my way........

The Past.  The problem with the past is that
we feel the need to carry it into today and into the future.
Too many times I have allowed the past to affect my today
and the decisions I make for tomorrow.
No  more....
I start on the trail of today
empty handed.
No ugly paisley bag of things
to burden me on my journey.
Just me and those who choose to come along.
I will not wait for anyone to decide to join me-
because they aren't ready
or because they want to pack their bag
or gather food.
The bus is leaving
ready or not.
Join me if you will
or don't
I'm on my way....
Marianne Goldweber

Happy Birthday to Me

49- I thought so many times that I would never be this old.
The events that have lead to this day are a flood of experiences.
The loves and losses, the joys and sadness's, the pain and experiences.

I had a moment this morning where I thought 'What have I accomplished?'
To the outside world it may not seem to be a lot-
I drive a car that's 12 years old, I am divorced- I don't have  the 'finer' material things that  we feel shows our success in this world.

I shared this with my son as we rode to school- it made me a little sad to remember the  time I seemingly wasted in years of pain and denial.   In his infinite wisdom he said 'Don't cry on your birthday Mom. You aren't like some guy in a dead end job with no friends sitting in his little cubicle alone with a cupcake and a candle singing happy birthday to me.'

I had to laugh out loud- he doesn't really know that I have been that person- back when my priorities  and illusion were in play.I vowed to end my own suffering and then help those who are still there.

I know that what I have accomplished in this 49 years is so much more-
I have made peace with who I am- I have used (and still do) the tools of my experiences that I have had; to build a solid foundation for my future.
I have met the most amazing people-

Today is a  memorial for  the woman I have left behind and a celebration of the birth of who I am becoming (it's never really over you know!)
With each experience I have learned;
I have people who love me- for who I am and not what I can do for them or what they can do for me.
I have self respect.
I am abundant.
I have learned to love myself and truly love those around me- even if that meant letting them go.
I have learned that there is nothing that I am not capable of.
and most of all, that even if I am alone in this world, I am never alone-and can connect with those loving teachers any time I want- if I'm just still enough to listen..

So in my climb up the mountain- as I reach the summit- I am turning around and appreciating the road to this beautiful place-
and as I look to the future am in awe of it's beauty because I have remembered
the road I've taken to this moment.

Finally

I am me-
I am not you
or what you think I should be.

I am a perfect piece of the Divine
just like I am.

I'm not like anyone else
and that makes me happy.
Finally.

Marianne Goldweber

Prayer to Great Spirit- Chief Yellow Lark Lakota

Before you read below- start the video.

 

Lakota Prayer

Oh, Great Spirit,
Whose voice I hear in the winds,

and whose breath gives life to all the world, 

hear me.
I am small and weak.

I need your strength and wisdom.

Let me walk in beauty 

and make my eyes ever behold 

the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made

and my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise 

so that I may understand 

the things you have taught my people.

Let me learn the lessons you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength, 

not to be superior to my brother,

but to fight my greatest enemy – 

myself.

Make me always ready to come to you

with clean hands and straight eyes,

so when life fades, 

as the fading sunset,

my spirit will come to you without shame.- 

Chief Yellow Lark, Lakota, 1887

What blocks our way...A parable......

A frightened man was running for his life.
He came upon a raging river that blocked his escape.
In his angst and fear of what he assumed followed behind,
he rushed into the raging waters.
He was swept away by the current and drowned.

There was nothing chasing the man.
Only an imaginged illusion created by his past.

The obstacle was facing the illusion that Fear created.
Fear of criticism for choices he had made,
running from those who sought to make him suffer.
Running from himself.
He was his pursuer.

But what he failed to see,
as the river barred his way;
was the threat was an illusion.

The river was not an obsticle, it was an opportunity.
An opportunity  created to allow  him time to stop and face his fear- and assess his options.
To face his past and those who criticized him.
To reach within and find Forgiveness and Courage.

And had he just stopped-
he would have seen -
just below the surface of the swift moving waters-
lie stones-
just barely visible-
creating a path for him to safely cross-
had  he chosen to cross at all.

The only person who's permission you need to seek
for happiness in this life
is the face that stares at you from the mirror.
be a friend
tell them the truth
love and encourage
be bold
be fearless
be courageous
be patient
be kind
be forgiving 
but most of all just BE.....

Marianne Goldweber