Self Check- Mirror Mirror on the wall.......

The first principle I learned in my spiritual awakening that lead to my recovery
from co-dependence was to 'go first' and 'focus on my own growth only'.
Sounds simple enough...right!

A native American Teacher of mine had sent me out to 'observe' for a week, the
things and people that crossed my path.

Then return with the results.

So being a judgmental, co-dependent control freak...I was excited to get the
opportunity to observe who and what came into the path of my ever present
critical eye...I was writing things down like a mad woman....

I was in a restaurant and there was a woman at the next table who was loud and
abrasive- she was running over her friend and interrupted to 'one up'; her with
a bigger and better story.. I was annoyed- and felt angry at her..
How Rude! I thought.

I then observed a man bullying a woman at the gas station. I thought he was an
egomaniac- and was using his energy to overpower her.....and HER what's wrong with her????
Why didn't she see that this was not ok? Were was her backbone?
She just stood there and cried, like a victim. Where was her self respect????

After a week of these observations- my teacher asked me to write down all of the critical things I had observed.

I was very proud-

1. arrogance
2. abrasiveness
3. loud and overbearing
4. know it all
5. victim
6. bully
7. interrupter
8. bad listener
9. lack of self respect
10. (my favorite) bitch.

Then he asked me to write down the beautiful things I had observed..
Beautiful things? I had not written any beautiful things.

He then told me to write 'I AM' in front of all the criticisms.

Screech....what?

He then went on to explain that the Great Mystery -Creator- had sent all of those people as messengers- so I could get a look at myself in the Smoking Mirror of Illusion of Self..

I was horrified.

He said the reason I could not write about anything beautiful is because I could not acknowledge anything beautiful about myself..

This exercise changed my life.

We are all but a mirror for each other. I stopped wanting to fix others because I was now too busy fixing those flaws in myself. Frankly I didn't want to look in that mirror any more than I had to...lol

I began looking for the beautiful things in others and began to truly accept the beautiful things I had not cultivated in myself because of my negative attitude and low self esteem.

My intense judgment soon turned to compassion. I now knew myself- and then could find compassion for my brothers and sisters who were suffering, like me- not so long ago. Not trying to fix them-but understanding that they too are receiving messengers like myself when they were ready they would see. I wasn't my job to interfere in their journey or their lessons.I had enough work of my own to do.

I then understood what Gandhi meant by-"Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I have made it my life mission to be the best mirror I can be to the world.

But there is always work to do ;)

Amen.